Mirror mirror (day 33)

There is a mirror on the moon - 18 inches square.   If you shine a laser at it, it will reflect the photons back to you so you can calculate the distance to the moon.  The mirror was place there by Neil Armstrong.  The idea of shining of a laser so far away is crazy enough.  The idea that it would actually reflect anything back is crazier still.

Just a marvelling fact today.  That's it.  I need sleep.

A song for this post.

A life without me (day 32)

Let's talk more about bodies in Second Life.  I was watching a talk recorded in SL a few days ago and I eventually had to walk away from the image because the self-intersecting bodies performing strange and repeating 'casual' moves were too distracting.   In that case, and perhaps because it was recorded and not live, I found the whole idea of an avatar presentation in Second Life a little superfluous.  What exactly was gained over an audio broadcast except the visual awareness of audience for the presenter?  If I'd been at that conference in the...ummm...what's the SL equivalent of flesh?  Anyway, if I'd been there,  I couldn't have even walked away from the screen or done email at the same time for fear of my avatar suddenly going zombie like.   Like playing Barbies, you have to be there to strike the poses or it just doesn't work.

Some people say that virtual worlds like SL will be the new browser.   One of the big differences between a browser and SL is privacy.  For the most part, when I'm browsing I don't have crowds looking on.   In SL, if I'm looking at an object or reading a sign or watching a video and someone happens to walk by, they can see what I'm doing.   There are advantages to being seen, primarily meeting like-minded people, but it does break a certain paradigm of the lone surfer which has a lot of advantages too.  For that reason I would advocate for an invisibility mode in SL where you are not seen and you can't see others. Difficulties arise when you effect the world but these difficulties already exist in a web browser when you post on FB for example.   I'm also interested in the possibility of history sliders for portions of the world.  And the possibility of ambient live data rooms where real world data is being piped in and being audio-visualized in real-time.    The two together (a-vis+history slider) would add some insight.

Most fancifully, I'd love to have my avatar develop a separate life.  Why do I need to be there all the time?  Why couldn't she just make friends and develop a personality?  Then I do a 'being John Malkovich' on her and re-enter at will.  She would be like a walking talking recommendation engine.

A song for this post.

A life by any other name (day 31)

I wonder about Second Life.  I feel old when I think that many others wonder why I have to wonder.  There are so many trends to keep track of and one must show discernment.   I've been in Second Life a few times and each time I feel icky and awkward.  The social rules don't apply in the same way and I've been through a few chats that left me feeling a little affronted if not assaulted.   So I decided not to invest much time into it.  The SL headlines wizzed by at dizzying speeds for a while.  The hype couldn't have been more shrill.  Now it's down to a drizzle of headlines and most people have polarized into "i like it, i don't like it".   Maybe it's the disillusionment phase of a new technology where we suddenly see the hard work it'll take to solve the inherent problems.  And the phase where we see that we are still humans fundamentally still looking for the panacea.

In the disillusionment I see realism and I feel better there.  It's like I can have some room to think about what it might mean to carve out a space for myself in that technology.   In the best possible virtual world with the most enlightened avatars, what would happen?  Actually it's the avatar part that I'm not so sure of.  Or rather the humanoid forms that pass for avatars up to now.   Playing the game 'Flower' today made me think of what it might be to navigate information as a petal rather than a human.  I know it's fanciful but it seems a lot closer to the way I feel when I traverse information in a browser for example.   I'm not exactly sure why a body needs to be added.  Sure, the body language is potentially interesting but if it can be faked at the click of a button, what's the point?

I have to sleep.  More on SL tomorrow.

A song for this post.

Just right (day 30)

Two days of bliss and adventure in the Nicola Valley and I now have more apples and plums than I dare look at.  I picture them transforming into pies, crisps, sauces and snacks.  I'm hoping I can be quick enough so none get wasted.  I'm starting to realize that my fascination with fruits and vegetables is not as common as I thought.  Not everyone gets home and has a brief moment of panic at the piles of organic goods needing to be matched and transformed.  It's a good thing I also secretely love the challenge and the leftovers.

The weekend was sublime with many culinary moments worth remembering including cooking okra for the first time and Janek's makeshift souffle with all that was left in the fridge and more (like Doritos).  As we were about to start picking the last of the plums on our last few hours on the farm, a momma bear and her three cubs showed up right by the orchard.  There is an electric fence so they are trained to stay away but they were right by the fence climbing up a Ponderosa Pine.    Four beautiful really cute black, brown and blond bears.   The way they move, so slowly and considered was a great pleasure to watch.  It's hard to believe we can't be friends.   As it was, it was a uncomfortable standoff.  We had to pick fruit and they were too scared to come down from the tree.  The momma bear huffed angrily at us as we started to pick the fruit as far from them as we could.  Eventually we finished with the plums and everyone was much calmer.

Watching momma interact with her cubs, it occurred to me how silent their communication is.   Compared to human families with their constant chatter, guiding, praising, and chastising it seemed so quiet and languid.  Kind of like us this weekend.

A song for this post.

Did I just help you? (day 27)

I have a dilemma.  Do I bring my computer to the Okanagan this weekend so I can write on the blog and not miss a day even though I can't upload (no internet connection), or do I just declare a blog vacation due to a broadband accident?  My obsessive side says bring the computer, there may actually be some cool stuff that happens in the OK.   My adventurous side says no don't bring the computer, do something completely different.  Maybe I'll bring the computer for the option and then see what I feel like when I get there.

Today I went to a great talk at Emily Carr about collaboration.   Jer Thorpe and Simon Levin talked about their projects,  including 'Just Landed', 'Big Picture', 'Glocal', and 'CodeLab'.  An interesting question came up at the end of Jer's talk about the definition of collaboration and whether it is truly a collaborative action to create an art piece or a visualization from data that was contributed freely but with no specific intent toward the author of the visualization or otherwise.   For example. 'Just Landed' takes data from the twitter feed and scans for words that would indicate someone has just arrived in a new location.  The application then looks up where that twitter author comes from and deduces the start and end point of travel in order to visualize it as a dynamic path.   The vast majority of twitter authors whose data was used have no idea the visualization exists.  Is this ok?  For this visualization, I would say yes it's fine and it's wonderful that it was made possible and most people would be pleased to have contributed without having to do anything extra.   The data in 'Just Landed' was anonymized so issues of privacy didn't occur.   But there is a line to be drawn I believe.   That line might just be begged by visualizations because their specific purpose is to make visible derivative data --- trends and patterns.   So while we contribute all kinds of tidbits about ourselves we may not want anyone analyzing that data for things about us that we would rather remain private.  This exact case came up recently when MIT students announced that they could deduce someone's sexual orientation by their list of friends on Facebook.  Well maybe, but should you?  And should you announce that?  In any case, the question remains.  Should there be a pingback when your twitter data gets analyzed for patterns?  Sounds like a logistical nightmare.

The one thing to celebrate is perhaps the overall collaborative intent of sharing such volumes of information.   We obviously didn't have the worst in mind when we slipped into the experiment that is social networking.  That's human nature, and I like that part of it.

Until Tomorrow or Monday,

A song for this post.

delete delete delete (day 26)

Luis Suarez says email can all but be eliminated.  He's down to 30-40 emails a week.  I drool when I hear those numbers.  These days I can never empty my inbox and I feel trapped by the email treadmill.  There are so many conversations that answering an email feels good but there is also a twinge of dread for the response.   The emails that scroll off my screen have a very high probability of never getting answered.  How did it get to this? I used to love email.  I suppose the asynchronous nature of email made us think that time was stretching.  The reality is that it takes way longer to type or read something than it does to have a conversation.  The same action items will result but conversing will get there more quickly.  I realize the benefits of email -- the record keeping, the attachments, the time to think about a response.  But I would say the bulk of my emails don't fall in that category.

Luis just said no more and stopped responding to email.  I'm not sure if he's down to zero responses but it's pretty close according to the talk I heard.   He has instead diverted his email conversations to other media.    He uses social networking tools like Yammer and blogs so he still has the record keeping but shares the information a little wider.   I suppose there would be a small overhead in diverting conversations but over time there would be less traffic in your inbox.   And maybe over time there would be less repetition.  Still, it may be my lack of imagination or cynicism but I have a hard time imagining that more software tools in my life will be better.   I have a task list, several calendars, two inboxes,  four blogs,  an RSS feed reader, and a facebook page.  I haven't even joined Twitter for fear of one more thing to check.

I admit that something has to change in my inbox wrestling moves.  Luis says we need to work smarter not harder.  It's glib.  I suppose I could change my habits in his kind of direction and see what happens.  I wonder if he has a step by step guide.

A song for this post.

Domo Arigato (day 25)

The dream of robot slaves.   There's been lots of talk lately about robots that can walk, run, stay balanced, go up stairs, serve coffee, chop vegetables.    Alongside the talk about new robot abilities there's been nervous hand-wringing about the ethics of having robots among us.  It's funny to me because I actually got into computing science because of a sort of fascination with telling the computer what to do.  Write a program, press enter, and it does exactly what you specified.  At that time, the computer was a semi-conscious thing for me.   I had no real knowledge of the inner workings so it was a capricious being, fighting yet giving in with the right incantation.  I still feel that way but now I know the innards so it has lost a bit of its romance.   So I wonder if acquiring a robot to chop vegetables for me and do laundry might not be a version of my first encounter with the Commodore 64.  Mysterious yet pliable, my robot frenemy.   Here of course I'm talking of the benign affect of telling a robot what to do.   The difference between a robot and a computer is in the potential for harm.  Motility takes computers way beyond the harm of computer viruses and privacy invasion.  Sentience and free will adds a whole level of unpredictability which may swing it towards harmful behaviour.

Asimov's laws three laws (don't harm humans, obay humans, preserve thyself) as a starting point for ethics but they have been found lacking it seems mostly on the basis of the robot's sentience or free will getting in the way.  The conundrum is that we are creating something stronger than us and expect two things:  that it will not harm us and that it will harm the ones we don't like.   It's the fantasy of the gun as a defensive device, again.   We are afraid that we will create the robots a little too much like us and have to deal with mood swings on a scale beyond prozac.  So we need to ask ourselves who's creating the robots?  What are their intentions?  It's unlikely a dove can come out of a hawk's nest so we really need to choose the root genetics of this new line really carefully.  We should feel revulsion at drone attacks.  We should feel disturbed by a robot that looks like a girl and is pleased to repeat any recorded positions when you tap her on the head.  These are real affective behaviours and abilities.  Our relationship with robots informs and is informed by our relationship with other beings.   It would be infinitely better to amplify the best in human behaviour.

A song for this post.

Attention: Requiem (day 24)

This is a requiem for
long talks
videos longer than 10
emails longer than two paragraphs
the long form of thx
days with less than 5 contexts
one conversation at a time
inboxes with less than 100 emails
the joy of receiving an email
news with more than 140 characters
friend as a noun
This is a requiem for my attention span

This is a song for this requiem.

Our share of envy (day 23)

We took a walk along the sea today.  We started at kits beach and passed through Jericho, Locarno, and Spanish Banks.  A portion of the walk has to be on the road because there is protected land.  While strolling along Point Grey Rd. and 1st Ave. we couldn't help but notice and sometimes admire the massive houses overlooking the water.   It's a spectacle of sorts and we make a game out of pretending to buy and sell our favourites.    Ownership of a house on that stretch of road probably starts at three million and we feel rather certain that our group will never own any of them or even socialize in any of them.   Once in a while we spot someone who lives in the houses and they look normal.  There is no glow of money it seems.   We wonder what it is that they've done to be there.  What is it that we're not doing, or not doing right?  Looking at wealth distribution in Canada it's clear that some people know something others don't and that they are not sharing.   I'm puzzled by this crazy making situation.   Our tacit approval of the wealth distribution means that we accept the notion that the people that get millions in salary and bonuses deserve it, and that the rest don't.   The implication is that if you don't have the money to buy the Point Grey house, you're not smart enough.   There is currently so much discussion about bank executive salaries but at the root of the dialogue is this massive insecurity that inequality creates in those that don't fetch the millions in bonuses.  And this insecurity means that nothing will change.   As long as we buy the tale that they deserve it, we will continue to minimize the impact of the injustice, and resist regulation.

Of course I'm aware of the irony of this discussion.  I am rich by any relative measure that goes beyond downtown Vancouver and most definitely North America.  The imbalances are stunning.  But surely one of the ways to start to right the craziness is to skim the fat off the top and redistribute it properly.   Or better, keep the fat from rising.  If more of excess capital is widely distributed, it can only mean better, more equitable participation in world markets.

Back to lighter topics tomorrow...

A song for this post.

Earl Grey tea, hot. Nike shoe, blue. (day 22)

In 1999 I saw Richard Stallman (founder of the Free Software Foundation) give a presentation at (now absorbed) TechBC University.   I could say much about this presentation but I will stick with the content which was fabulous.   He said something that has stuck with me ever since.  He explained that because digital information is essentially free (like free beer) to copy, its distribution and sale must be treated differently than a physical object which is not as easily copied (or as exactly for that matter).  This is now common rhetoric but you have to remember this is before the p2p frenzy and the RIAA's unreasonable response.  At the time, many of us were running GNU/Linux and enjoying the fruits of the FSF and Open Source movement.   It seemed like the free flow of information would just around the corner.   It was such a whirlwind...napster, limewire, sharaza, pirate bay.  But alas business models don't die gently.   Rather, they are replaced and fight until the bitter end.  Could it be any different?  Maybe it has been but it's the spectacular failures to play nice that make the news. 

Then someone figured out that people would pay (a little) for convenience and extras.   I can still get my music from p2p sites but it's a more pleasant experience to surf iTunes and get it for .99.  Double that for movies (although the selection on iTunes is culturally and historically deplorable).   Never underestimate people's willingness to part with a loonie for instant gratification.   I still think the price on a movie is too steep.  $4.99 just seems extreme for something that is so intangible with no "special features" and no possibility of rental extension beyond the allotted two days.   Would be nice to get an offer to have unlimited rental for the title for a bit extra.   Chances are that people would pay and seldom play it again.  And if they gave you a key, you could actually 'lend' the movie to someone else so they could stream it for a limited time.   The possibilities are endless.   More choice more better....for everyone.

Next up is the 3D printing industry.   Accessible manufacturing of small parts changes how we think about design and objects.   There is already an open source movement geared toward 3D prints.  Not just open source 3D printers (that can print themselves!) but also open source designs.   If you can afford to print this, you can have it.  The design is free and customizable.  The just-in-time market will be big not just for the open source community but for large manufacturers who can offer individual features (or add-ons) to their products for very little extra efforts.  Much like the book industry, you can have your object virtually or really.   Both have advantages.  If you have a virtual object you can use it on your avatar or in a virtual environment (game or not), or make it part of your latest animation.  If you have it really, you can wear it, use it, paint it, glue it, hang it, (eat it?).   I feel about 3D printing the way I felt about music in 1999: excited and optimistic.  This time, though, I know there will be blood before the promise land.  I just don't know who will strike the first blow.

A song for this post.

Look at me (day 21)

Advertising is annoying.  Advertising is changing.  Will it still be annoying?  I remember when I first browsed on Mosaic in 1994.  It was quiet.  Academics were the only ones there.   It was made for us, by us.  It was good.  Then slowly buying and selling became the thing you did on the internet.   Then the individual home page, then social networking.  Now companies not only have web sites they have their tentacles in all areas of our travel on the web.   You do a search, an ad pops up.  You read an email, an ad pops up.   I am a potential buyer, practically everywhere.   I tell myself that I can ignore the ads and I think I do.  But I wonder how much actually sticks anyway.  Once in a while I can't help but glance and get curious.  On Firefox, I use Add-Art which replaces the image ads with art images.   When I first installed it, I would forget that the ads were being replaced and I would get really annoyed at the image that didn't fit.  What is that, what is that, what is that, what is that???? Then I'd clue in.  Oh it's art.  I'm not supposed to figure out if I need it or not.   Phew.

So here we are with a loose model of "free only because your gaze is valuable".   Yes my gaze is valuable to you.  But it's also valuable to me.  Where it lands affects me.  So discernment should be possible in the face of such a wide variation in quality.  The one saving grace to google ads is that they are pretty much all the same format so easy to ignore.  There's no flashing or dancing bears or shoot the monkey.  Other sites are not so kind.  Discernment becomes really difficult when the guy doing push-ups is constantly begging you to help him so you can win a prize.  I stopped watching TV because it started to feel like a mind control device.  I can't say the web is at that point but I am looking to my smart phone more and more.    Eventually advertising will follow me there too.  It hasn't yet....much.  But it's coming.  I only hope that it's less annoying, more entertaining, more optional.  What if it was an opt-in program?  If you say you will put up with ten ads a week, you get two dollars off your data plan.   Deal or no deal.   Of course that probably couldn't work because there are so many publishers and most of the time we'd prefer to surf anonymously however elusive that might be.   Unless the model was such that all ads used the same mechanism to pop ads on your phone and some could be allowed through depending on the deal that you signed with the telco.   A kind of ad firewall.  The thing I like about the opt-in model is that there would be some incentive to make the ads somewhat entertaining to get a following.  The question of how mobility might affect the sound/look/feel of advertising is for another day.

A song for this post.

Curious noise (day 20)

Today Miles and I talked about what an environment of mixed soundtracks might sound like.    In Breath I/O the videos and their associated soundtracks will 'swirl' around in the environment surrounding the lungs, mixing with each other.  When there is no video playing on the lungs it makes sense for the sound to be noisy with a slight foreground of interest, a hint of some of the soundtracks.   As more videos are playing, the noise retreats more and more to the background but is still present.  There is a seamless blend between when the soundtrack is fully audible and when it goes back as part of the noise.   All of this is in five channel surround sound.   One of the things we talked about is that the noise would be algorithmically composed of the granules from each soundtrack.  Much like the video pixels are being used to shade the atmosphere surrounding the lungs.  I like that parallel a lot.  Miles had some great examples of composers who work with noise and subtle foregrounds of interest.

One of the aspects of the atmosphere that we still need to develop is whether it will be influenced by some kind of action.   We've even talked about the possibility of the virtual affecting the real by being able to generate air currents in the installation space.   Personally I think it would be ok if the environment was like weather, unpredictable and interesting.  Something the lungs would be subject to.

A composition for this post (courtesy of Miles). 
More of Rosy Parlane can be found on myspace.

Let them eat cake (day 19)

Apparently Marie Antoinette said "let them eat cake" (actually "qu'ils mangent de la brioche").  Having heard this expression repeated throughout my life, and having no context to attribute to it, I made up several meanings and contexts over the years.   The one that stuck the most is the one where Marie Antoinette being a selfish narcissist decides that she will give everyone cake so that they will shut up, so busy will they be in their newly found comforts.    Of course I know now the actual context of the phrase and in that story she is still a selfish narcissist but was giving no one cake.

I wonder about massive protests in the past and in the present but in other places.  Why don't we massively protest in Canada and the US?   What would it take?  How uncomfortable would we need to be? We are eating cake so the idea of protesting and possibly losing the cake is not so appealing I suppose.  We could also just be asleep from too much cake.  So when something bad happens like, oh I don't know, the failing of a flawed financial system, we just sit there dumbfounded unable to grasp that things won't just go back to normal soon, and that taxpayer money is being used to bailout a system that made billions for some and nothing for most.  It's really unbelievable and, when you're full of cake, it's even harder to get up and do something about it.  I remember the moment when the bailout was rejected ('blamed' on a speech by Nancy Pelosi).  That was amazing.  A grandstand moment if I ever saw one.   But short-lived and at my most cynical, orchestrated to appease and scare at the same time.  That was the last of the influence of 'main street'.   Long live main street.   

The other-worldliness of large broken and oppressive systems is daunting.  I wonder what it might have felt like for Puerto Ricans to rise up for self-determination.  I wonder about the feminist movement and their struggle for the vote.  I wonder about African Americans rising up for equal rights and freedom.  I can watch countless YouTube videos and movies but I still don't know what it might feel like.  I've never been in it.   My peer group likes cake for now.

A song and performance for this post.

Emotional breather (day 18)

I described the Breath I/O project earlier in which lungs will be used as vessels for video and sound. 

I've been wondering if it would be possible to annotate video with emotional content so when they are mapped onto the lungs the breathing style could vary to match or enhance the emotion.   Since at this point we are not planning on using dynamic video, it may be feasible and desirable to manually annotate the video with some state parameter corresponding to the type of breathing that would be appropriate.  From there the lungs could alter their breathing and seamlessly blend between states. 

A quick search later, I just found the specs for MPEG 7 video standard.  It allows for just the kind of annotation that we would need.  I'm not sure what the status is on mpeg7 and whether any of the applications we are currently using (Virtools, Touch Designer, Field) will even play it.  It's been around for a bit so perhaps it's more integrated than I think.  Regardless, we could use some of the concepts in the specifications and roll our own little annotated video player.

The more I think about it, the more I can see interesting uses to the new annotation standard.  Obviously many people have been thinking about this for a while on the standards side, but its interesting to me that it hasn't hit the mainstream yet in terms of all the possible uses and proper tools to support those.  The Wikipedia entry contains some examples of what people have done with the standard so far.  The IBM video annotator VideoAnnEx seems like it might be interesting for us.  There is also a Java library to extract annotation that we could use in Field.

There may be more appropriate standards or ways to do this, I'm not sure.  It made me happy to see mpeg7.  It seems like a good starting point to start making enquiries about the field.

A song for this post.

Experiment of a benign addict (day 17)

It's official, I am now off caffeine. I quit primarily because I was tired of not having the choice of skipping the coffee unless I was ready to deal with the headache that inevitably would surface roughly six hours later. The move was prompted by my usual supplier of coffee beans not having my favourite beans to sell for days in a row. After a while I started feeling like an addict showing up and sheepishly asking for the beans. And some mornings I would wake up late and be resentful that I couldn't just skip the coffee to gain some time. I know this is a ritual for most adults in this culture and certainly I love the joe but there was this moment where I started feeling ridiculous for being so directed by it. I listened to the moment and thought ok let's just say I don't do this anymore.

A couple days of headaches later, and I'm free. It feels really good and I save time and money. The only thing is, I now have these small urges to reach for my absent cup of coffee. Usually when a moment is uncomfortable or confusing, or if a task hits a wall and I just need some time away from it. It's something between an avoidance mechanism, a sensory reset, and a security blanket. It's been interesting noting when it happens. Now I need to figure out whether I replace it with herbal tea of some kind or just find a new thing to insert into those moments. I think maybe I'll see if every time it happens, I can just become conscious of my breath and relax into a sigh or something. Could be interesting. No doubt this would take care of itself over time but while the contrast is still high, I'll experiment.

A song for this post.

The last breath (day 16)

There will be a last breath.  Just like there was a first.   Sometimes I visualize the last breath and what it might be like to not breathe in again.  Would it be better to know and be absolutely conscious of the last breath?  In that case, would the last breath be somewhat willed?  How is it that whatever it is that makes us breathe in again just doesn't activate after the last breath?  Is that when the fear sets in?  Is it like drowning or floating?   Or maybe the last few breaths are more and more willed until you realize that you are just delaying the inevitable.  The last breath is then the final renunciation.  In some ways I prefer that scenario because it allows for a certain control about when the last breath will be.  The first scenario is much more of an imposition.

I have a friend who was declared dead for a few moments before being revived.  She says that first breath back was violent and highly unwelcome.  She had been going somewhere better.  Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor also died for a moment when she had a stroke and she speaks of not knowing how she would ever get back into her body, her consciousness having become so spacious.   It's almost as if the breath is the thing that keeps us attached to our bodies.  Our consciousness passes through it like a funnel and becomes contained by it, by its rhythm and boundaries.

It's maddening that so many humans have had a last breath and yet each one of us has to wonder what it's like still.  And when I go through it, if I'm conscious, I wonder if I'll have the unsatisfiable urge to tell everyone.

A song for this post.

Between nesting and jumping (day 15)

Salman Rushdie said in an interview on CBC that everyone has a wish for home and a wish for adventure.   Steve and I both laughed at the description he gave (if you've never heard SR speak, search for it, it's a treat...one of my favourite is this one).    Part of the reason we laughed is because we are currently in a rental apartment that needs work and we're not sure the owners will do the work...so..we hover between staying and leaving in a maddening dance of pros and cons. 

Several times in my life I've had the urge to throw it all away and just do something completely different.  I've done some pretty crazy turns but never truly just stopped and jumped without a net.   I'm either a sucker for continuity or just plain scared that things will turn out badly and I'll end up on the street.   It's probably enlightening to ask someone what their alternate reality is.  What jump would they make if risk or time/money was not an issue?

I think I would open up a little breakfast shop/restaurant in a little place like Nelson, BC.  I love breakfast.  Truly love it.  I have a blueberry (these days it's concord grapes instead, yum!) pancake every morning with maple syrup and homemade fruit sauces.   I think breakfast should be celebrated and lingered over.   If you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, get into a routine of an amazing home-cooked breakfast.  It's something to look forward to, and I swear you will feel better for the rest of the day.

So here is the paradox.  My crazy jump into something completely different would lead me to the mother of all nests: the home-cooked breakfast shop.  I picture it small, warm and full of great smells and great people that I know and love.   So I guess like many people I have a secret longing for the simple life, the one where you're so happy and comfortable you don't want to jump anywhere.   I'm pretty sure that things would turn out differently if I actually did it.  It may just be a case of wherever you go, there you are.   I'd probably get there and miss the world of technology and digital media terribly.   I'd probably start to hate breakfast.  And then I'd look around for the next jump out of there.

Tell me a story (day 14)

I read remarkably little fiction.  Most of my time is spent reading someone's treatise on media theory, or technology history,  gaming, narrative, etc.  I read other people's opinions.  Rarely but notably I hit upon a well written book in that genre that inspires me and genuinely changes my way of thinking about something.  The previously mentioned "Orality and Literacy" by Walter Ong is an example,  "Deep Time of the Media" by Siegfried Zielinski is another.  There is something about the way these authors write that has at least some resemblance to narrative.  In "Deep Time of the Media", the approach is a sort of trip through time and space where we are told of technologies that maybe didn't make it but were important to the development of other technologies, and certainly important to the culture of the time.  There is a also an attention to the characters (and they mostly were characters) that invented and peddled technology -- the geeks of their time.  I love the fact that the author makes no apologies for taking a romantic stroll through history.   He says that he chose the anecdotes and technologies in the book by looking for the 'shiny things', the bits that were just too curious to pass up.  He calls this a kind of archeology, taking issue with the idea that the evolution of technology (like any evolution) is linear and always yielding the best solution.  Indeed, the word 'best' implies defined criteria that could lead to optimal solutions to...well..I don't know exactly.   The point is that luck plays a giant role in any new technology gaining popularity and that there are some sad failures that were very exciting at the time.

This may be sacrilegious but I no longer make time for books like Merleau-Ponty's "Phenomenology of Perception" or Deleuze and Guattari's "Thousand Plateaus".  I own these books but I don't love them.  Maybe it's an underlying pining for more fiction, but I genuinely wonder why the topics of these books couldn't have been written with a little more of the pleasure of discovery built in.   I know some people love "Thousand Plateaus" and I may be tragically missing out but everyone draws boundaries on their time and I've drawn mine at their door.  Brian Massumi is an author that comes closer to making that kind of material more human, and certainly his book "Parables for the Virtual" is an interesting read where he allows himself a more fanciful jaunt through the material.

A lot of the books I read were recommended by Amazon.  In some ways they have my tastes figured out.  But it would be nice if the recommendation engine could notice that I don't read fiction, and suggest fiction based on the kinds of non-fiction that I read.  Surely there are some books that would bridge the two worlds.  I feel like I might be missing a whole treasure trove of material...

Confidently unrehearsed (day 13)

Always look on the bright side of life.  That's what they say.  Except that over-confidence will get you in the end.  Feedback is essential.  This article on Psy-Fi outlines the reasons why processes that have inherently long feedback loops are very hard to optimize and deserve a systematic approach to decision documentation and evaluation.   I love the article because it really strikes at the heart of human nature.  We are short-term beings, and for the most part cowards as well.   Most of us don't even like to hear or see ourselves on record.   There is something very frightening about seeing ourselves unrehearsed, and most of life is like that: unrehearsed and distracted.   This is why I like the premise of the article: even if it seems that emotional intuitive decisions are quicker, have the courage and take the time to analyze and document how a decision is made.  In the end, even if the decision ends up being the same, you'll have something to use as a basis for change if the decision didn't work out as expected.   The discipline and commitment that it takes to do something like that though is unusual.   The problem does not suggest its own antidote at all.

There is one thing in the article I don't quite agree with.   I don't agree that if we did see the world as the mess it truly is that we would be depressed (and make better decisions).   I think there is a nice middle ground between irrational exhuberance and irrational pessimism.  The world is a mess, absolutely.  But that's a reason to be realistic, look at the suffering directly, and try to help where possible.  Seen from that angle, exhuberance and pessimism are both forms of laziness.

The systematic way of making stock picks for effective feedback could be applied to life in general if we were clear on what we were optimizing.  With stock pics, we're optimizing a return on investment.  What about life?  I suspect there are lots of answers here.   My personal favourite is that the motivation should be related to reducing suffering and increasing joy.

Solitude and you (day 12)

I was listening to Spark this afternoon.  William Deresiewicz was talking about solitude and wondering whether we've lost the ability to be by ourselves.  He recalled asking some students about spending time alone and one student wondering what the point was of spending time alone ('what can you do alone that you can't do with someone else?').   At first the student's response seemed ludicrous to me.  Of course being alone is different than being with someone.    But perhaps I was too hasty to judge.  It may all be in the contrast.  Alone time can be being with fewer people than usual.   I could also be that in an increasingly oral world, alone time is just less valuable.  If you're not talking, you're not being.  This would be in contrast to a more text-based world where writing (an introverted activity) is more common.

I just finished reading the book "Orality and Literacy" by Walter Ong in which he describes the qualities of an oral-based culture and how the rise of writing and literacy changed the culture.   Near the end of the book he talks about a secondary orality arising.   I can see this happening more and more.  And looking at it this way, some of the characteristics of the primary oral culture are re-emerging.   One of the qualities of an oral world is this propensity toward the concrete and the constant sharing of information.  In a primary oral world, the information could not be written down so sharing was the only way for an idea to survive and also the only way to perfect an idea or technique over time.   When writing came along, introspection came with it.

So here we are, in a world of constant conversation.   The difference is that we are not as concrete as the primary oral cultures.   We may be talking a lot but we may not be doing enough to really acquire deep knowledge.   And then we're back to my earlier blog entry where I wonder about the disconnect between doing and networking.   I love being alone so it's hard for me to picture how you could ever learn anything significant without spending lots of time alone.

It may be that alone time comes later in life stages now.  It may be that alone time is just not as necessary anymore.  It may be that there are so many people in the conversation that it only seems that no one is taking a breath.

Container Art (day 11)

I'm still feeling weak so I'll keep this brief again. 

The container art show at the PNE was a brainchild of Peter Male who designs the grounds of the PNE including the sand castle competition, the home exhibition (sponsored by Home Depot), the car painting area (old cars that anyone can take a brush to), and many other little experiences that are interspersed with the usual rides and games.   What was interesting to me about the container art show (besides the fact that he put the whole thing together in 4 weeks from call to installation) was the fact that it blended so nicely with the other architecture at the PNE.   There is something a little grungy about the fair grounds...something you would expect when you pay your entrance fee: the smell of greasy food, the call to play the games, the dings and clangs and bells, the crowds, the screams.   To fit contemporary art in the midst of all that is no mean feat.   To me, the containers were the bridge (and they were literally positioned that way) between the grunge and the art.  And as Kyla observed, the people did read the space created by the containers as a gallery space worthy of a slower pace and greater attention to detail. 

There is so much to say about the atmosphere of the place.  There is music in the background, but individual containers can also have their own soundscape (one did, to great effect).    Some containers are blocked off so you can only look in.  Others are fully immersive experiences, a kind of low-tech cave.   There were only eight containers so not an overwhelming amount.  People can wander in and out on their way between places.   At night the space transforms into a more live space with lights and louder music.  Some of the containers specifically played to that time of day with well placed subtle lighting. 

Container art is a growing movement apparently.  I learned a lot just from hearing Peter talk about its origins in Italy.   The appeal is its ability to come in, contain art, and get out.   Very little footprint and no permanent marks.    I'm not sure how Emily Carr will be involved in future container art exhibits but it seems like an exciting design and art challenge that we'd be crazy to pass up.

Cars are heavy (day 10)

I just got hit by a car on my way back from the PNE.  I was on my bike and I'm relatively ok but my bike is not ridable.   Needless to say I'm feeling a little weird and shaky so I'm going to lie down and sleep off the headache.

The PNE was awesome and I will write about that later.  I went with Kyla Mallett who was a great partner on the tour and the rides.   We were there to see the Container Art show which was surprising and fresh.  Really worth seeing but today is the last day the show is up.

Marigrape Jam is women's work (day 9)

I have 15 minutes to post this because I just got back from my friend Zeenat's house.  We made three litres of Coronation grape jam.   We also make crab apple jelly together and call it Crab Apple Zinger.   This jam we decided to name Marigrape.  We went through many totally inappropriate names like Grapearia, Coronia, and Marape.  A close contender was Grapenat.

All of this house work reminds me of Jennifer Schuler, a recent Master student at Emily Carr.  She looks at the role and form of women's labour through the ritual performing of it and the use of the (usually) discarded remnants of the work to create new process-oriented objects.  The colour pink is a repeated theme throughout her work.  For example, in Traces of Labour she ritually paints a canvas each day using only the colour pink, and saves the cloth and soap from washing her hands.  The cloth is then used to create imprints on paper.  Thirty-one such imprints were shown in a calendar format at the last grad exhibition at Emily Carr University.

I like it, I don't like it (day 8)

I used to have big opinions.  Lots of them.  In my 20s life was a series of loud judgments and clear directions.   I was known to be cutting in my pronouncements.  Then I'm not so sure what happened, because getting older coincided with the rise of the web, but I think that by being privy to some many other opinions I suddenly started doubting my own.  Everything started to occupy a grey zone.  I had a crisis of self-doubt that still lingers today but has definitely morphed into more of an equanimous feeling.

Opinions now seem mere daily fickle pronouncements, not driving forces of motivation.  My Facebook feed is full of opinions which I can 'like' or ignore and add my own.  We have a running commentary on a deluge of information -- it's the crowd behaviour at its most chaotic and inane.   It feels good to have an opinion.  It makes us feel intelligent.  As my friend Nathalie would say, it's a quick fix and it creates a lazy brain.

What's easy to forget is that beneath the fine-grained noisy 'feed' is the actual work being done, the knowledge being generated.  Who is doing the work?  and when? Ian Wojtowicz is an artist that is highlighting something interesting in his work at an upcoming exhibit at Skol in Montreal.  From the writeup: "...the artist intends to identify a group of people, for the moment unknown, who constitute, in the artist’s words,"a small group of highly-connected but obscure Montrealers […] the loner friends of popular people"...".  I find this concept very intriguing because I have a feeling that these loners might just be more likely to be effective knowledge producers.  If you're not social networking all the time you might have more time create things.  Of course in the back of my head I hear all kinds of counter arguments to this but seriously the people that are loners but that close to an amazing marketing potential have a good recipe for success.  Have they figured it out?  Or just lucked into that position?  I wonder because something I think bad luck has given me a loner disposition.  But maybe I need to rethink that.

Sensual water breathing (day 7)

Steve came back from swimming and said the water felt good. It surrounded his body, gently, sensually. I immediately could relate to what he was saying. I know that sensation of floating, gliding, blowing air bubbles, being surrounded.

This feeling of being surrounded by water is the metaphor I would like to invoke in relation to the lungs being in an environment filled with image and sound. The problem is that generally people associate the combination of lungs and water with anxiety and death. My intuition is that there is a way to depict the lungs in water without triggering this association. Char Davies' work Osmose associates breathing with movement in a way that could make you forget that you may have been moving in environments inhospitable to human breath. I think if the lungs weren't breathing, the water surroundings could seem peaceful, like in so many images we see of babies in utero and like the feeling that Steve described. The problem is really about the lungs breathing. So perhaps it may work to automatically create space around the lungs when they breathe out. A kind of air bubble that slowly dissipates. This way perhaps the feeling of suffocation or breathing water would not arise. There is still the issue of breathing in, but I wonder if we could deal with that by creating many small air bubbles as the lungs breathe in. The lungs would be creating their own air as they chose the media to breathe in. Could be an interesting effect.

The contrast between having the lungs in or out of the water could be quite evocative. The water environment is much slower, enclosed, sheltered, quiet, mysterious. The air environment is much more direct, insistent, dangerous, spacious, loud, social. Playing with these contrasts may work to invoke some of the feelings associated with different media environments and our reactions to them. What does it look like to be assaulted by media? What does it look like to be lured and seduced? What does it look like to like what we see or hear, hate, dislike? add on? forward? share? There are so many ways in which we are affected by media and participate in its affect on others.

In the next month we'll be working on getting a prototype of the lungs ready and creating visual effects reminiscent of water, fog, air movement, etc. It would be great at the beginning of next month to have the lungs animated and surrounded by media, not necessarily breathing the media yet, but just be able to see which environments we'd like to work with for the next iteration.

Spend to live another day (day 6)

A few months ago I finished listening to the audio version of the book "The denial of death" by Ernest Becker (I don't really recommend the audiobook, it's a bit relentless. But I do recommend the documentary "Flight from Death" derived from the book). The book postulates that our refusal to look at death directly makes us blindly spend our energy to "immortality projects", thing that will transcend death or make us feel part of a greater whole that will live on. It can also increase our intolerance of those who don't support our grand project. One example is the nationalistic feeling that compels us to support the troops, or whatever else is meant to make the 'us' bigger than 'them'. If asked I bet most people would assume that if our life was longer, trending to immortality say, our fear of death would diminish. The point made in the book which has stayed with me is that accidental death would not disappear and that if the possibility of living forever existed, our preservation extinct would increase in proportion. The example they give is that it is much more tragic to die at 7 if you could live forever. This is probably why vampires are always given super healing powers with very specific ways to die. If dying was too easy, the immortality would be meaningless. If there was no way to die, the immortality would be a life sentence. The other problem with immortality (one that was beautifully illustrated in the last Godric episode of True Blood) is that laziness would be rampant. Why do today what you could do tomorrow? Death is a powerful motivator. And not just big death, all the little deaths too. We do a lot to keep things from deteriorating. It is an interesting exercise to think of what motivation might exist outside it, or in spite of it.

We want to live forever. It's true, the fear of death permeates our being and influences the amount of the risk we are willing to take. This is why most of us take fewer risks as we get older. I would even say that it's why most of us gain weight as we get older. It's a protection instinct. We think if we expend less of our life energy we'll have more later -- a savings account approach to life which turns out to have disastrous consequences. The less you move, the sicker you get. That's just the way it goes. I think it's probably best to embrace the impermanence and just spend spend spend that life energy.

Generosity (day 5)

Today I was part of a great meeting with some folks at lat49. Suzi Webster and I were there to talk about a potential collaboration. There was generosity all around as people contributed many creative ideas freely. I am so grateful when those moments happen. I think this bodes very well for our project and of course this generosity of spirit is no doubt a sign of a well run company.

Generosity has been on my mind a lot lately as the start of term piles on more duties than I dare to even think about as I write this (lest I compulsively go send another email). Many times in meetings, I sense in myself and those around me a reluctance to commit to the task at hand. The fear may be that if we commit then we might add to our task list. For me, generosity seems to be the antidote. If I can muster the courage to look at what's needed and give freely then things get more manageable even as my task list grows. It just feels better to not hold back.

Time, space and apple pie (day 4)

I just put an apple pie in the oven. It takes time to make an apple pie. It's full of suspense too. It involves no digital resources....oh...except for the recipe from America's Test Kitchen...and...the digital readout on the oven. There is something to do with your body and mind for about 2 full hours. Not bad. And then there's the moment where you get to sit down with the laptop to wait out the baking in a kitchen full of that nice cinnamon apple smell. Precious time.

Today someone asked me some questions about mobility and the hyperlocal trends. It happens that I'd like to create a mobile hyperlocal narrative application with Vancouver in mind. The question had to do with spacetime and implied that somehow the web has done something to our sense of time and space. It has taken away time by asynchronous communication, and taken away space by allowing us to connect from far away. I think I know what she was getting at. The feeling of other world when you're in it, and the feeling of the world happening without you when you're not reading, watching, keeping up. There is definitely another space with its own speed and insistence. It changes the expectation of what we know about each other when we do meet in the same physical space.

But I think the spacetime perception change may have more to do with the speed at which we need to switch contexts when we plug in. Check email, open a document, keep it open in the bg, quick check of RSS feeds, who's posting on fb, back to email, oh ya the document, scan the document, phone rings, another email comes in, and so on. It's a stream and somehow lots of little things get done. But no big things. I know what it feels like to focus and when I'm actively online, that is not what's happening. And while I'm in it, I'm not taking care of my physical environment in the same way. Maybe my plants don't get watered, maybe my computer gets unpacked months before my books do.

Part of the promise of hyperlocal is another dimension to sort the info. Maybe if I only get relevant information to where I am, it'll be meaningful and manageable. Again the issue of scale pops up though, there are millions of people in Vancouver. Why would the space not be cluttered. Just as cluttered as Robson street on a sunny Saturday afternoon. After all, the online is the mother of pack rats.

Making an apple pie is risky business. You have to go offline for 2 hours. And during that time much could happen without you being aware of it. More than before? Before we knew? Don't know. Don't think so. Not making an apple pie is risky business. You may forget the feel of a good pie crust and the smell of a baking pie. I'm not kidding. These things need to be maintained.