Degenerative diagnostic (day 62)

My neck is fine.  No pain now.   A month or so of pain after the accident but now no pain.  So the diagnostic of degenerative arthritis from an x-ray of my shoulders and neck was unexpected and a disorienting.  Did I know that, he asked?  No of course I didn't know that.   The discussion was deferred to the physiotherapist.  I left confused about the word degenerative.  I know what arthritis is.  It's what old people get in their joints that causes a lot of pain and deformities.  I told myself that nothing had changed but on my way home from the medical centre I shopped compulsively and got home with no other desire than to order pizza.  I was deflated.  Usually I'm delighted if I get home with enough time to prepare a salad and another side dish.   Pizza it was.  Fire-roasted vegetable pizza with a thin crust.  All organic.  At least there's that.  On a scale of junk to healthy I wasn't hitting the bottom.  I went to bed early, reading a story of a woman with early onset dementia.  I woke up still deflated but early enough to get in about an hour and half of exercise.   That helped a lot.  No pain in my neck.  I started to see the ridiculous nature of the worry.  A label.  Someone put a label on you.   Degenerative doesn't mean it's inevitably going to get worse, it means it got to this point from wear (computer typing posture probably doesn't help).   I stopped feeling old and decrepit and made a pancake, enjoying every bite.   The only thing I can do is be healthy and stop going for X-rays.

A song for this post.